So, I’m on the way to work this morning and I’m jamming out to my radio, a.k.a trying desperately to stay awake long enough to make it to my desk chair, when the fitting song “A good friend and a glass of wine” comes on.  My first reaction, YES!  Second reaction, I’m totally going out tonight (this must have been when my coffee kicked in).Of coarse my wine will be beers, which will probably be followed by a few shots, but hey, same thing!  Right?

As I continued to drive, I started thinking about the fun filled night that I was going to plan with some girlfriends, when suddenly a dark cloud shadowed over my early morning daydream.  It was the dark cloud of single men lurking around the bars, drunk and trying to pick up “chicks”.  Damn, I hate those types.  The type of guys that constantly annoy you with their cheesy pick up lines, lingering ways and too much cologne.  They come at you like you’re prey and they always have something stupid to say.  Unfortunately, I’m never quick enough to come up with something witty to say at the moment of evasion, but I’ve decided if I could this is how it would play out…

Cheesy Man #1:  “I was blinded by your beauty so I’m gong to need your name and number for insurance reasons.”
Me (annoyed):  “Yes, you will need my name and number for insurance reasons, that is, right after I slap you for being so stupid.”

Cheesy Man #2:  “I know I don’t have a chance but I wanted to hear an angel speak.”
Me (shot of tequila in hand):  “If you know you didn’t have a chance, why are you still standing here?  And what angels?”

Cheesy Man #3:  “My wife doesn’t understand me.”
Me (look of disbelief on my face):  “I don’t understand how this is my problem.  Do I look like a freaking therapist?”

Cheesy Man #4:  “Am I cute, or do you need another drink?”
Me (empty glass in hand):  “No, you’re not.  And yes, I do need another drink.  Can you buy it for me and then leave?”

Cheesy Man #5:  “Do you have a quarter?  I promised my mom I would call her when I found the woman of my dreams.”
Me (laughing, lots of laughing):  Why in the hell do I always attract the broke ones?!?!?”

I mean seriously, who in the right mind thinks these work?  No matter the amount of beers or shots I’m still NOT seeing it, at all!

Having said that, perhaps bars aren’t the way to go tonight.  Looks like it will be wine and some good-old-fashioned girl talk at the house for the evening!